Famous Carlton Dance (a compilation)

Share

Delicious Digg StumbleUpon Reddit Newsvine Furl Facebook Google Yahoo Technorati

Direct Url

Let's face it, girlfriends are a lot of work. You will spend untold hours putting in time wining, dining, and getting to know women over your lifetime. Why not take some shortcuts to getting your way, at least most of the time.

1. Presents. This sounds like an obvious one but it god damn works. Don't just go for the obvious gift, think of something obscure she said in passing while forcing you to to go a cultural event where she talked the entire time instead of looking at the said cultural activity. She will love her obscure gift and it will buy you valuable points which you will need in the future when you accidentally sleep with her old college roommate.

2. Cuddling After Sex. This is a must. Whatever you do, you must stay awake. If you have problems do any of the following;
-bring a ham sandwich in bed to revive your attention

Share

Delicious Digg StumbleUpon Reddit Newsvine Furl Facebook Google Yahoo Technorati

Direct Url

Dear Amanda,

I'm writing you because I was wondering if you could help me find my
dignity, I seemed to have lost it somewhere on our third date.

I'm pretty sure I didn't loose it on our first date. When you told
me that horribly long and boring story about how you ALMOST won your
senior class president election, but Becky something won because she
called you a slut, I did pretend to be interested. But it was our first
date, I thought you were just nervous.

FULL POST

Share

Delicious Digg StumbleUpon Reddit Newsvine Furl Facebook Google Yahoo Technorati

Direct Url

I have a burning problem, and it's a urinary tract infection, ZING! Seriously though, I am an unabashed upskirt photographer who has fallen victim to what we call in the industry, "surprise endings" or crosdressers wearing skirts.

Imagine this horror story if you can: It's a wonderfully hot day and you're strolling along a heavily trafficked street with a small digital camera cleverly hidden in your shoe. You spot a delicious hottie walking ahead of you, wearing none other than a mini-skirt. Your heart begins to flutter thinking of sharing photos of her undergarments across the Internet. You snap the photo, continue walking, mission accomplished. When you return home and finish eating a delicious Hot Pocket, you download the fruits of your labor to discover a giant ding dong under the skirt!!!!!!!!!

I know what you're thinking, John how could you even imagine something so horrific? It's not a dream my friends, this is the reality of the sick world we live in. What kind of perverted person would take the time to look so much like a woman? Do they do it to get a sick thrill out of messing with honest upskirt photographers? Today I take a stand.

Share

Delicious Digg StumbleUpon Reddit Newsvine Furl Facebook Google Yahoo Technorati

Direct Url

Cologne, FRANCE - American tourist Frank Sebastion began a civil suite against French hotel "L'hotel D'amboise' for damages incurred while using a European toilet known as a Bidet.

"There were two toilets, how the hell was I supposed to know which one did what?" Sebastion related. "I sat down on the lower one and I turned the water on and... I was voilated."

Sebastion claims the bidet sexually violeted him without his consent, shooting a stream of water into his anus, causing serious and severe emotional damage.

A bidet is a low-mounted sink intended for washing the genetalia and inner buttocks and anus.

The number of bidet accidents is approximated at roughly 25 per year globally. The French hotel issued a statement that apologized for the incident but welcomed the chance to clear it's name in court.

"We are a three start hotel without any history of bidet rape, this is preposterous, simply preposterous." Hotel manager Bertran Renault noted. "If Americans do not know the difference between our bathroom facilities, we cannot be at fault for this."

Share

Delicious Digg StumbleUpon Reddit Newsvine Furl Facebook Google Yahoo Technorati

Direct Url

Listen up America, we need to talk. There is a lot of talk about a slumping economy and how everyone needs to save money. This kind of talk is a lie, and should not be tolerated. Don't let the liberal elite convince you that you need to hug gay trees, and save for the future. This is American God Dammit, we don't tolerate that kind of talk around here.

It's our God given right to overspend without thinking about the future, and that's exactly what we should be doing. Not spending beyond your means is just like giving a rim job to the #2 leader of Al Queda. Do you want your children to imagine you doing that? I think not.

When times get difficult, do your duty and buy that Wii your bratty child has been clamoring for. When recession hits hard, hit back by buying that Gucci alarm clock you've had your eye on. This is America, we don't back down, we buy more shit.

Share

Delicious Digg StumbleUpon Reddit Newsvine Furl Facebook Google Yahoo Technorati

Direct Url

original post

Share

Delicious Digg StumbleUpon Reddit Newsvine Furl Facebook Google Yahoo Technorati

Direct Url