Dr. Hugh Nutes

Dear internet guys,

I understand many of you spend large amounts of time online and haven't yet experienced many basic elements of life; driving without your parents, masturbating in your own house, doing ladies, giving a lady a dutch oven, etc. etc.

Many young people have come to me and asked about penis size. It's natural to have fears about your small penis. Every man at one point in his life wonders if their small penis is actually as small as they think it is. Calm down, don't panic and call your sister to give you a back rub and then secretly want to marry her.

Use the following guide to make calm your penis worries.

Length:
Penis size might be the greatest fear of men, both young and old. It is a common fact that penis size is directly proportionate to the amount of desire you want your penis to be. If you are a weak minded individual, you will have a tiny, tiny dick. The second question that people have about penis size is, "does size matter?" If you're asking that question it means you have a tiny penis. SIZE MATTERS. Hot women will only do you if you have a minimum of nine inches. If you want to get laughed at, then go ahead and try, if not, then listen to me.

Average Length:
This is another question that small penised men keep asking. Relax Weird Science nerd, you're answers are about to be solved. The average penis size for a real adult male is 12.3 inches. If you have a reclining garden gnome handy you can measure you penis against this. If your penis reaches his eyes or mouth, you are a tiny dicked man.

Girth:
Girth is a scientific measures how much testosterone you have in your wang. Testosterone is something called a hormone that is produced is your ball sack that increases the width of your ding dong. Get one thing straight, the bigger girthed you are, the more women will fall in love with you and allow you to play Xbox 360 after banging them.

Average girth is 3.5 inches for men, roughly the size of a coke can. To measure, take a coke can, cut the top out with an exacto knife or other very sharp knife, then stick your penis inside. If your penis doesn't touch the sides of the can, you have micro penis disease.

Enlarging your penis:
If you've got this far you don't have a penis worth talking about, let alone large enough to bang a woman in publc with. If you want to be large enough to double team your next door neighbor and then do her cousin visiting from college you will have to listen to me. Penis size is all about state of mind. If you want it bad enough, it will happen, Darwin proved this and so did Arnold Schwarzenegger.

The first step in getting a larger penis is to inflate your balls. Again balls produce what we call man juice in the industry that will inflate your penis to a larger size. Now don't get all excited and think you'll be able to drink juicy juice and get a bigger penis. You'll need do some exercises to make an improvements. Oh and by the way if you think exercising is using your Wii, think again micro penis.

The best ball exercise I've used is called 'rock out with your cock out' Lay on the ground then thrust your balls way in the air with all your might. This trains the blood vessels around your balls to be less gay. Below is a picture of a pregnant lady doing the exercise who probably wants bigger balls for her unborn son. Her son might have balls as large as small cantelopes when he is born if this lady keeps it up. Lucky kid.

After 8 weeks of this exercise your balls should show signs of improvement. Once you are happy with your ball size you need to start doing heavy penis weights. Most men can't even lift 1/10 of their body weight with their penis, this is because they are probably using their penis to invade other men.

Your penis can lift an incredible amount of weight if it is trained properly. Simple put a dumb bell on your penis, and lift using your penis muscles. Repeat until you are sore or your mother finds you in your room alone with a dumb bell wrapped around your small penis.

Keep doing this until your girth and length are what you always hoped for.

Best,
Dr. Hugh Nutes

Share

Delicious Digg StumbleUpon Reddit Newsvine Furl Facebook Google Yahoo Technorati

Direct Url