Armed Youth responsible for Obama South Carolina Victory

Submitted by amilh on Sun, 2008-01-27 22:26.

Barack Obama steamrolled over the competition soundly winning the South Carolina primary. Political analysts examining exit polling have determined young people were very much responsible for the thrashing. The youth however, were not actually voting, they were intimidating voters at gunpoint, with guns.

"They were handing out guns to the kids right outside the Obama headquarters," local resident Francine Dunlop said. "At first I thought it was some joke, but then the kids started to march towards the booth and told all the voters if they didn't vote for Barack they would shoot to kill."

"We've often talked about arming our children to influence the polling stations, but we never actually went through with it!" Republican strategist Chet Avery said. "If we knew it would have actually worked, I would have given all of my cub scouts a glock"

Political pundits rejoiced over the simple explanation to the South Carolina victory.
"This election makes is making way way more sense now. I was using all of my Carlton education to make up bullshit about people believing in hope, but now I know children are using guns to intimidate voters, THAT makes sense to me," Jane Randell with the Washington Post stated.

"Barack told us that if we loved hope and America then we would shoot the tires of people who are going to vote for Edwards." Molly Eisenburg, 12 said. "He is really inspiring, he really is going to change America, and he gave me a shotgun."