Dr. Hugh Nutes

Dear internet guys,

I understand many of you spend large amounts of time online and haven't yet experienced many basic elements of life; driving without your parents, masturbating in your own house, doing ladies, giving a lady a dutch oven, etc. etc.

Many young people have come to me and asked about penis size. It's natural to have fears about your small penis. Every man at one point in his life wonders if their small penis is actually as small as they think it is. Calm down, don't panic and call your sister to give you a back rub and then secretly want to marry her.

Use the following guide to make calm your penis worries.

Length:

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SAN DIEGO, CA - The U.S. Customs and Border Protection stepped up their fight against illegal immigration by targeting illegal animal immigration.

Ralph Baaham, Commissioner of the US Customs and Border Protection related his concerns, "Over six million illegal immigrants evade our immigration and inspectors at the border each year. We have however been ignoring an even greater number of animals who illegally enter our border who number in the tens of millions. This negligence to stop illegal animals invading our country will now stop. The CBP will immediately institute a three tier policy to seriously crack down on the illegal animal immigration."

Activists asking for tighter restrictions on animal immigration for years feel vindicated by the recent developments. Jonah Spencer with the League to Defend American Animals issued a press release indicating, "For too long illegal Mexican squirrels have been taking good American nuts from hard working American squirrels. I hope to see a day when no Mexican pigeon will be able to invade our country and take prime statue real estate from God fearing American pigeons. This is a good day to be an American animal!"

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This is just plain AWESOME! If only they would shoot a space shuttle up with Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck to stop the rogue satellite. I would pay $11.50 to see that. Well, I'd actually just wait for the DVD.

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Steve the Dell Dude was famous for pestering his fake parents to buy him the latest Dell shwag, and also for being a massive tool.

Proving that karma does in fact exist, the actor Ben Curtis is now a bartender at Tortilla Flats in New York after being dropped by Dell for his pot buying arrest in 2003.  But Ben plans on striking it big again with his band, Whale... original article

Now if only the "Can you hear me now" guy would get cancer

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Worst breakup ever!

BBC NEWS | Parted-at-birth twins 'married'

A pair of twins who were adopted by separate families as babies got married without knowing they were brother and sister, a peer told the House of Lords.

A court annulled the British couple's union after they discovered their true relationship, Lord Alton said.

The peer - who heard of the case from a judge who was involved - said the twins felt an "inevitable attraction".

H/T That's what she said.

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Bed Bath and Beyond, maybe stop by Home Depot...Oh, and take off my pants on the subway. Pretty good Saturday.

No Pants 2k8 Details for NYC at Improv Everywhere

All are invited to participate in the 7th Annual No Pants! Subway Ride. The event will take place at 3:00 PM on Saturday, January 12. Everything you need to know is in this email. Please read it carefully!

REQUIREMENTS FOR PARTICIPATION

1) Willing to take pants off on subway

2) Able to keep a straight face about it

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Put a "Have Sex!" button on your profile so your friends can Have Sex! with you. Browse profiles of hot looking people, let them know you are interested or Have Sex! with them right away in different positions and places!

Powered by ScribeFire.

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(+ware) I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we are alongside the road and
(+ware) slowly the driver gets out of the car . . . and you know how you just get sooo
(+ware) stressed and life seems to get funny?
(+ware) Well, I could NOT believe it . . he was a DWARF! He storms over to my car,
(+ware) looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
(+ware) So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?"... and
(+ware) THAT'S when the fight started . .

Original Post

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While we should have been paying attention to the world changing, Star Wars invoking power of Meetup's new MeetUpAlliance -- "Where is the Rebel Base!?" -- during a presentation on the new Meetup product yesterday, most people seemed focused on one logo placed alongside the Alliance's invite-only charter organizations like the Obama Campaign, Ron Paul 2008, the ONE Campaign. Step aside and make way for...

Here's how it works: Each year, during the four-week Growing Season between Thanksgiving and Christmas, Growers sprout sweet, sweet Mustaches. Per Mustaches for Kids bylaws, they shave their faces, except for the Mustache, a minimum of one time per week and solicit donations from friends, family, co-workers, and people in the community. Kind of like getting pledges to run a marathon. Without the exertion, cramping, or dehydration. Call it a facial hair marathon.

At the end of the Growing Season, each Mustaches for Kids chapter hosts a Mustache Competition, which is a cross between a beauty pageant, dog show, and police line up. During the Competition, Growers, often in Mustache-enhancing costumes, are put through a test of mind, body, and Mustache and allow their facial hair to be evaluated by an independent panel of judges, and one Mustache is declared to be the "Sweetest."

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