Dr. Hugh Nutes

Dear internet guys,

I understand many of you spend large amounts of time online and haven't yet experienced many basic elements of life; driving without your parents, masturbating in your own house, doing ladies, giving a lady a dutch oven, etc. etc.

Many young people have come to me and asked about penis size. It's natural to have fears about your small penis. Every man at one point in his life wonders if their small penis is actually as small as they think it is. Calm down, don't panic and call your sister to give you a back rub and then secretly want to marry her.

Use the following guide to make calm your penis worries.

Length:

WASHINGTON, D.C - Former President Bill Clinton denied his involvement with actress Gina Gershon, claiming he only slept with unattractive women.

"I want all of the media to take a step back and look at what you're saying. Everyone knows my track record, Jennifer flowers, Monica Lewinsky, oh and my wife Hillary Clinton. I mean look at them, they're not hot. Why would I deviate from such a great history of boning ugly broads? I mean c'mon media this isn't me," Clinton said.

A Vanity Affair article suggests that Clinton's personality had changed since his
2004 heart bypass surgery and said there were reports of Clinton
"seeing a lot of women on the road."

Advisers close to the Clinton campaign also question the validity of the claims. James Carville noted, "I'm used to seein the President with all sorts of scags, hags, and fatties, but hot women just isn't what Bill is into. I'd be willing to bet this is a right wing conspiracy."

Gina Gershon has asked for a retraction from the article, sighting that her acting credentials would be significantly impaired if people though she was ugly enough to be on the Bill Clinton roster.

Christmas come early! Just days after the BBC pulls out one of the top headlines ever, "Europeans get drunk to have sex," they just go and raise the bar again. What's next, the BBC following the Brit tabloids with topless women? Important topless women of course, like the Queen, Thatcher and Amy Winehouse. This is the BBC after all.

Not "Pollacks," Jackass! Yes, more from the greatest people on Earth with no natural borders.
Sidenote: My mom sent this to me. Crap, they are figuring out the internet...they are on to us. Abort! Abort!

Polish Holocaust hero dies at 98

Irena Sendler, a Polish social worker who helped save some 2,500 Jewish children from the Nazis by smuggling them out of the Warsaw Ghetto and giving them false identities, has died. She was 98.

BBC NEWS | Europeans get drunk 'to have sex'

Young adults in Europe deliberately binge on drink and drugs to improve their sex lives, research suggests.

The UK has one of the worst reputations for binge drinking and underage sex but there are striking similarities between countries, a study found.

A third of 16 to 35-year-old men and 23% of women questioned said they drank to increase their chance of sex.

Now this is research grants being put to good use. Who would have ever thought that people go out drinking with hopes of getting some action? What makes this "scientific" and not just a drunk night out for the researcher is the eureaka! revelation that, "...many young people were 'strategically' binge drinking or abusing drugs to improve their sex lives." Aha, it's all about the strategy.

Look for more shocking headlines from the BBC to follow:

• Obese people eat too much
• Creepy uncle is pedophile
• Less attractive people find dating difficult
• Americans be dumb
• Study Finds: Lottery winners extremely lucky
• Teenage daughter 'Totally hates!' parents
• Explosives linked to blowing up stuff

I'm off to do some research.

What are Gmail's algorithms trying to tell me with this ad?

NEW YORK - Former President Carter has successfully brokered a lasting peace accord between Cats and Dogs today. The deal is the first of its kind between what seemed like a never ending inter-species war.

Spurned by progress made in his visit to leaders of Hamas, former President Carter sat down with diplomats from Cat and Dog parties to usher a new era of peace. "The fighting had gone on long enough," Carter said. "I had been wanting to address this issue long before but got sidelined by all of that global peace treaty stuff."

Carter presided over the first formal discussion between the two waring factions. Tempers flared when representative Marmaduke chased representative Heathcliff and the Cadillac Cats into a tree before discussion could even begin. However once Carter smoothed the situation over with a combination of Snausages and yarn, real deliberation began.

In what seemed like an impossible task, Carter managed to elicit firm commitments from both sides for a cease fire and further promises on a set of substantial issues that have caused constant skirmishes in backyards across the world.

Partial elements of the agreement are as follows;

---

Move over Carla Bruni. Now that's one "Defense Minster I'd like to...." Who knew that seeing a 7 months pregnant woman inspecting the troops would be so damn hot.

And Actually, seriously Italy? What is wrong with you people voting for this guy. At least Mussolini had the trains running on time.

Zapatero has formed a government that is too pink, something which we cannot do in Italy because there is a prevalence of men in politics and it isn't easy to find women who are qualified for government.

Now he's asked for it. He'll have problems leading them.

Hear that ladies? Now make me some pasta!

Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis' attempt to branch out his successful franchise to Africa has been so far unsuccessful.

"Our current strategy of promoting hot naked African natives has not resulted in the windfall in sales that we hoped," Jeff Patterson, Marketing Director for Girls Gone Wild Africa noted. "I'm honestly confused why the public has not jumped at the chance to see naked African babes getting wild in their impoverished villages."

Girls Gone Wild Africa features a host of semi naked African women in their native countries. "We took the same winning strategy that made Girls Gone Wild a household name to Africa where we adapted it to a local context." Pamela Heron, VP of Public Relations noted. "For example instead of alcohol and coke to get girls to take their tops off, we used beads and Ritz crackers for the African women. Only God knows why those Africans enjoy Ritz crackers so damn much."

Another reason to be proud of Portland. h/t LCT
Swinging, Threesomes and Group sex. Statistical data.

Portland, Oregon, US, just polled intention or willingness to participate in threesomes and orgies over 60% of those polled are willing to experiment, but their willingness depends on "you would never see that third person again